• donkey: im in me friend's swamp... broom broom
  • shrek: get out me swamp!
  • donkey: aww :/

as-seenon-tv:

I’ve never met Chris Pratt but I trust him

(via dreamingtheater)

  • boy: i hate being poor
  • grandpa: were going to the fun factory
  • mr chocolate: hello naughty children its murder time

youngstero:

my mom went to high school with jamie lee curtis and one time they both got caught smoking pot together and jamie told the teacher it was my mom’s and my mom was suspended and jamie lee got no punishment so think about that next time you want some activia

the laxative yogurt lady fucked over my mom

(via postulation)

4 hours ago with 47,163 notes | reblog

justalilblondemama:

Accidental personal injuries are absolutely the worst. “Oh, how did you do that?” “Well, frankly, I’m an idiot.”

(via ernest-lancaster)

  • parents: get out of bed, why are u so lazy?!
  • parents: u need to get more sleep u look really tired
"Skeletons are beautiful, yes. But my boy, you are not a skeleton. You’re a teenager. You’ll have plenty of time to be all bones when you’re dead, but you won’t be able to be a teenager then."
- My grandmother is the nicest person I’ve ever met and she can somehow get my brother to stop counting calories for a day. (via equily)

(Source: crehier, via earth-to-world)

kalikardashian:

thelilnan:

OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE

OKAY

AJAX SOAP

image

THEIR SLOGAN IS “STRONGER THAN GREASE”

AND I WAS LIKE OKAY YEAH MAKES SENSE FOR A DISH SOAP- WAIT

AJAX WAS A GREEK SOLDIER RENOWNED FOR HIS STRENGTH

AJAX IS STRONGER THAN ALL OF GREECE

someone who worked at ajax has literally waited 66 years for you to get this

(via stankrushnic)

4 hours ago with 1,799 notes | reblog